Wednesday, December 31, 2008

To Carin....

This is what happens when your Mom helps set up your Blog...she gets to sneak in here when your not looking and do stuff like this.
Hubby and I have had the joy of having Keira and Zack spend a few days with us, it has been fun, interesting and left me with the greatest admiration for my daughter. We only had two of the kids. Carin deals with 4 sometimes 5 of them all the time. I for one couldn't do that. Not just because of the age difference, but because it is a 24/7 thing. There really are no breaks.
Dan works out of town most of the time which leaves Carin both Mom and Dad. Not easy. She is like a single Mom, dealing with everything from the kids to the house, making sure everything is the way it should be. There are time when I know she feels like she is failing, she is wrong. I watched Zack treat Keira with love and caring. If how these two act is any indication of the job she is doing...well she should get a raise. I know she's my daughter I should feel this way, I would be saying this about anyone in this position. Because she's my daughter I am that much more proud of her, that much more in awe of her and love her that much more!
Yes Gracie, I love you, I am proud to be your Mom! Have fun tonight and see you in the morning!! ( you are coming early right??!!) LOL

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

"every day think of one thing that you are gratefull for"

got an email from an old friend today. the title is what she said to me. and so for today i will think of this song that is playing and i will remember watching my mom and her sisters standing in our shower on christmas eve doing their best to harmonize and most of all make memories. I miss you so much aunt patti but i am gratefull you were a part of my life and you will always be in my memories.

I wanted to wish everyone a very merry christmas and happy new year. I hope everyone makes memories that last a lifetime.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Back again

Well, we are back in Wisconsin. It has been exhausting. I lost count as to the number of times i asked for the ride to stop so i could get off! There were funny things and sad things that happened in the last week and a half. Keira unrolling toilet paper all over the bathroom floor while i was busy packing, funny. Crying as the moving truck turned the corner on sunday, sad. Keira telling me that i needed to change my pants after having alittle upset stomach issues, funny. Hugging a new friend and saying goodbye, sad.

But onward we go. No choice in the matter. Kids start school on Monday. They have actually been begging to go since we got home. They want their life back, who can blame them. To be so resilient, one of my many wishes. The house is taking shape. Not too many more boxes or rooms to put together.

I should go for now, need to go to town and get some shopping done. Full price school supplies are calling my name!! Thank you to everyone for your thoughts and prayers. It means alot to me. Like my mom says, go make memories today. No matter how small they may seem.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Moving on...

This song brings to mind many things for me. My aunt Patti and her battle with cancer. My first love and the heartbreak that happened. The birth of my son and all that surrounded it. And now the last three months. I fought very hard to get where we are. Together as a family. I wanted nothing more than to have my husband watch our children grow, to have my children share daily things with their father. I got that for three months. As of last Friday it came to an end. Kind of. My husband no longer has work here in Illinois so we are moving back to Wisconsin. I probably shouldn't be as mad or as sad as i am but this move means a lot of things to me. It means the hassle of moving and all that goes with that. It means going back to the way things were before with my husband working away from home and me being a "single" mom again. I'm scared to be honest. I wasn't in a good place before emotionally. I've been searching my head and heart thinking of ways that i can do things differently so that i don't go back to that dark place. And there are things that i can do, but I'm just really worried that i wont do any of them. Depression is a messed up thing. The good thing is that I'll be closer to a network of friends of family that can help me. And i will need help.
I don't know if I'll get to post again before the movers come on Sunday to pack but what i will do is make memories for myself and my kids that will last a lifetime. Maybe a trip to the arch or the zoo on Saturday. or maybe a trip to the beautiful park that is just down the road. whatever it is I'll cherish because this is the life and road god has put me on. I've always said "she" has a warped sense of humor!!!

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


October 15th marked our 3rd wedding anniversary. Amazing how time flies. We've actually been together for 8 years. There were times when i wondered if we'd weather the storm. But never did i doubt our love. Blending families is never easy, it's still a daily struggle to be honest. Maybe more so now that we all live under the same roof. Before, when there were two seperate households, things went unsaid and undone. We are still learning and probably will for the rest of our lives. No marriage or family is perfect.

so much to post...

Shelby is growing up! There's really no other way to put it. One minute she's 7 years old and the next she's sending us these photos! God i feel old. Watching her grow up has been amazing. Shelby is so smart and beautiful. I have all the faith in the world that she will do great things. We love you shelby and miss you so much.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

sorry for the lack of blogginess

I haven't been vacationing in some hot tropical place, i haven't been going to the spa. No, I've been busy with visitors and then knocked on my backside with a horrible cold. I don't feel like getting out of bed to be honest. We had a wonderful visit with my parents and aunt Bonnie two weeks ago. It was so nice to see familiar faces again and to be myself. Haven't been able to really do that here yet. It's funny though, i know they were all here but time passes so quickly that in some ways it doesn't feel like they were here at all. weird how life does that. Not much has been going on here. Other than the fact that dear keira still has sleeping issues. some nights its right to bed and she sleeps all night. others it's screaming and carrying on til all hours of the morning. this has caused much tension in our house and i don't know how to fix it. i should go for now, kiddos need waking. i will post more later with recent photos. I'm going to try to find the time and strength and humor that maybe will help me get out of this funk I've been in. Make memories today, no matter how small.

Thursday, October 2, 2008

from the mouths of babes...

I have been blessed with a very verbal two year old. Her brothers have definitely contributed to this in a big way! On any given day the things that come out of her mouth are usually priceless. Examples of these ramblings come mostly from the last two weeks, because said two year old has decided that going to bed at night has become an option as opposed to a requirement!

*example one*
keira is put into bed(as she has been for quite some time now) and within 1.2 seconds the blood curdling screams can be heard from interstate 55! Being the mom i am, i give her about 15 minutes and go back in to see just who is pulling her limbs from her precious body. She is standing in her crib and as soon as she sees me begins to explain to me that there are tears and bugars on her face. well of course there are, i explain, because your crying hysterically for NO REASON. she then tells me "i scared". i ask her what she is afraid of and she answers "monkeys". i scan the room, cause that's what a concerned mother does, and reassure her that there are no monkeys in her room. she doesn't buy it and so there we are in the recliner downstairs until 11 something at night.

*example two*
two mornings later, at 5am , as i am sitting watching the morning news i can once again hear the blood curdling screams so i run up the stairs and fly into keiras room hoping to catch the little bugger that is attempting to rip the limbs from my baby only to find her standing in her crib once again explaining the tears and bugars to me. she again tells me "I scared". i try to reassure her that there is nothing to be afraid of, ask her again what she's scared of and this time i get "giraffes". I've had several people ask if I've taken her to the zoo recently and i said no, i was going to but just haven't gotten there yet. I'm strongly thinking that forgoing the zoo trip until she no longer lives in our home is a really good idea!!

*example three*
the other night i once again try to put her into bed, the tears and bugars start flowing but i stand my ground and say love you and start to head out the door. just before it shuts i hear the cutest little voice say "wait, i have to tell you something". i am such a pushover, because i go over to her and say "what do you want to tell me?" she looks into my eyes and says" get me out". yeah, we were in the recliner until 2am!!

this morning dear sweet precious baby(for lack of a better phrase!) woke up at 2am. i laid there thinking that maybe if i don't rush in she'll go back to sleep. no such luck my friends, because little did i know that her nuk was on the floor and her pant leg was stuck above her knee. that's a big no no in the land of keira. she freaks out whenever her clothes are not in the position that the designer planned! so I'm very tired today and had big plans to go get a bed for the spare room so our guests have a place to sleep and i wanted to start painting the dining room. yeah I'm thinking my family will be lucky to have dinner on the table and clean clothes for work and school tomorrow! have a great day, whatever you have planned. make memories. lord knows my cup runneth over everyday!!!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A peek in my window...

So, my day started at about 4am with miss keira letting me know that she wanted to watch Blues Clues. I soooo should have known that somewhere inside of that cute tiny little body was the devil! haha. i was being a good mom and making garrett and zack pancakes for breakfast when into the kitchen walks my painted baby. i quickly ran into the dining room where i knew the PERMANENT markers are and discovered that thankfully the table and chairs we just paid alot of money to be restored were spared her artistic flair. i just had to take pictures. she was very willing and way to proud to show off her arm at first and then became quickly aware that maybe, just maybe she had screwed up. this realization came from her big brothers saying "oh, your in trouble!!" yeah, just another day in the life of me. couldn't help myself, had to share. have a great day, and who knows there just might be more fun and mayhem in my day to share later.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

From Mom...

made with the kit by KimberlyraeKreations

In my next life i'm gonna be "Mrs. Geek Squad"

I really believe that i have made some one royally mad at me and they now have me under a horrible spell!! 9 out of 10 times nothing goes right for me. no matter what it is. well if you recall from an earlier post i described how my usb ports had taken hiatis on another continent, well it turns out that all i had to do was be brave enough to take a two year old, a bag of gadgets and my tower over to the local Best Buy and visit the very unattractive Geek Squad member named Dave. Now, im really trying to not be prejudice here but just once it would be nice (as a stay at home mom who doesnt get out and about to often) to be taken care of by some super duper hot guy who knows your married but flirts anyhow! NO! i get over weight Dave who quite honestly couldnt stop staring at the twins the entire time he was telling me that my computer has been taken over by 7 viruses and for the mere price of $300 he'll gladly fix it. I felt like asking him just how much of that commision was going to go towards buying more cream filled treats!! not at all. so my plan is to let dear husband know whats up and have him go visit Dave!

But, one good thing did come out of all of this. Dave plugged in my card reader (just as ive done for the past six weeks) and without doing one thing to my computer it now works so ya'll are in for a pictorial treat!!! im so excited. can you tell?

this is the new house! Garrett and Zack on the first day of school

Keira chillin'. Take note of the bruise on her cheek. she tried to walk between the wall and an open door...the door won!

Keira posing with her hippie shirt on!

I should go for now, keira needs a nap and i have household things to do. yeah right! there's gotta be something on cable! take care, make memories to last a lifetime!

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Smack down in the cul de sac

Hee hee! that still makes me laugh. All's well here in burbia. No smack down, although i surely wanted to. I think the kids were really sad that they didn't get to see big mama take out the neighbor. I should fill ya in on the whole story. Long story short, week one we were here Garrett and brick got electric scooters. Garrett's was a E100 model. well the other day the little kid next door claimed it for his own leaving Garrett completely deflated. of course the kids mom took her sons side and wouldn't listen to anything we had to say so i had to talk to his father. again getting no where. in our garage was a more expensive faster scooter with a broken kick stand. well being the mom i am i wanted to do everything i could to make Garrett feel better about the situation (he wanted his scooter back!) so i had a battle between head and heart and opted not to call in johnny law of edwardsville and to just let things work themselves out. low and behold Dan found the spring for the kick stand in the driveway, fixed it , charged it and now Garrett has the faster more expensive scooter. with his name on it!!! things sure have a funny way of working out. i may not talk to HIM everyday but i do believe he watches out for us.
anywho...dan and the boys have gone to the YMCA for alittle swimming this afternoon so i am relaxing while keira naps. of course i wont sit for long, because the house needs a little picking up and to be honest i just cant sit for too long. mind is still going at least a hundred miles an hour and the best way to remedy this for me is to keep busy.
enjoy the rest of the weekend, make memories!

Monday, September 8, 2008

Square peg, round hole

Heavy heart today. Things happening that to be honest confuse me. Adults not acting like adults. Kids who despite all, keep on keepin' on. I wont go into details right yet. Still trying to resolve my head and my heart. Just know that i am the square peg in this whole thing and i dont think im ready to round my corners just yet.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

four weeks

Well, it's been four weeks since we made the big move. Things are coming into place. Kids are adjusting as well as kids can. There are new friends and teachers who give too much homework! Keira hasn't really skipped a beat. she never stops moving and with that two year old attitude our days are filled with tears and laughter. she has really added to her vocabulary. it's fun to listen to her talk now. you can actually have a pretty decent conversation with her. explaining why she cant throw spaghetti O"s at the dinner table is a weekly thing! We got a new table that sits her about four feet from the floor and apparently the sound of O's hitting the floor at this height is waaayyy cooler than before! The house is taking shape, still some areas that need work but honestly its not that big of deal. It definitely looks lived in. And that's how it should be. I will never have a "perfect" house. I don't really want one. You know the kind, where everything is in it's place. That seems wrong to me. There are still piles of paperwork and toys strewn about from keira. To me it means that there is life here.

Today we are getting a visit from my aunt susi and her boyfriend. I cant wait to see her. Family is huge to me and i miss them all so much. I'd be happy if someone came to visit every week! More family is coming in October, it will be great.

I should go for now, a day full of memories awaits...

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


I think i finally have a quiet moment to myself to actually write! Amazing, i know. It's been quite busy around our new house. With getting things unpacked and organized to the point that we can function on a daily basis, and getting the boys ready for school (they started on the 19th), i have been in my own little world. I have to say tho that things are taking shape. It doesn't feel like home yet but with time maybe it will. In fact no place feels like home anymore. we went home a week ago for a family reunion and to be honest pulling into the driveway and walking into an empty house was really hard. it doesn't feel like home anymore.Ifeel lost to be honest. I don't regret any of this, because this is where our family needs to be. Together. It hasn't been the miracle fix, certain people still fight and yell and say mean things, but with time maybe that will change too.
I have many photos on my camera, but somehow during the move my computers usb drives decided to go MIA. anything i plug in i get that dreaded little box that says "usb drive not recognized". seriously...I'm over it. maybe a trip to the forbidden store is needed. ill just take the memory card and get all the pics on a disk and do it that way. i have nothing better to do today, really.
speaking of today, it is my 37th birthday. yeah, I'm feeling more like 87! we painted the boys room this weekend and my body aches in places i didn't think you could actually get aches. i will try to enjoy it, maybe a little running around this morning with keira and then get the grass cut this afternoon. then dinner and homework and baths and cleaning...birthdays just aren't as much fun when you get all old and mature! I'm sure ill slip in a rum and coke before bed, i deserve that much.
well, its time to wake one of the kiddos for school so i will say goodbye for now. like my mom always says, fill your day with memories.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008


Be back later to catch up with you all!!