Moving on...

This song brings to mind many things for me. My aunt Patti and her battle with cancer. My first love and the heartbreak that happened. The birth of my son and all that surrounded it. And now the last three months. I fought very hard to get where we are. Together as a family. I wanted nothing more than to have my husband watch our children grow, to have my children share daily things with their father. I got that for three months. As of last Friday it came to an end. Kind of. My husband no longer has work here in Illinois so we are moving back to Wisconsin. I probably shouldn't be as mad or as sad as i am but this move means a lot of things to me. It means the hassle of moving and all that goes with that. It means going back to the way things were before with my husband working away from home and me being a "single" mom again. I'm scared to be honest. I wasn't in a good place before emotionally. I've been searching my head and heart thinking of ways that i can do things differently so that i don't go back to that dark place. And there are things that i can do, but I'm just really worried that i wont do any of them. Depression is a messed up thing. The good thing is that I'll be closer to a network of friends of family that can help me. And i will need help.
I don't know if I'll get to post again before the movers come on Sunday to pack but what i will do is make memories for myself and my kids that will last a lifetime. Maybe a trip to the arch or the zoo on Saturday. or maybe a trip to the beautiful park that is just down the road. whatever it is I'll cherish because this is the life and road god has put me on. I've always said "she" has a warped sense of humor!!!